What must they think?

And more importantly, why do I care?

They see me, come to school, not come to school.
I look normal.
And they don't know. They don't need to, but I can't help but be self concious of their thoughts.
I've always been the "good girl", always goes to school, does her work, etc. But this year?
I lost that.
And it really wasn't my fault.
I mean, yea, depression is caused by guilt and guilt is my own emotion as a result of past demons, but I can't control how it controls me.
I can't help it that I have to spend whole days in bed if I'm not medicated properly.
I can't help it that we didn't realize I was this bad sooner.
But they don't know that, do they?
They think I'm normal, but flaky.
They think I'm not serious about school, they're wrong.
It's hard for me to deal with that thought, that they don't think I'm good enough.

It's hard for me to go to school. It causes a lot of anxiety for me.
I shake, and shift, and jiggle, trying to keep my mind off of my stressors.
And trust me, there's a long list of stressors.

How do you get caught up when you're so far behind?
I'm drowning.
And there's no one to save me but myself.

...But I've forgotten how to swim.