I'm sitting in a McDonald's parking lot, getting much needed internet to study for my stupid finals in T minus 4 hours, and I'm not even close to being prepared.
I'm confused about a number of things, I'm confused about my relationship situations and life itself.
Should I live with my dad?
It sounds so peaceful, I wouldn't have to deal with bullshit every freaking minute, but then again, I don't know him, at all, so how would that work out?
I'm just scared shitless. Scared of how I'll be treated,scared of what Mom will do, scared of what she won't do, and I don't know how to go about doing anything right.
I just want to leave this stupid situation and never look back, if only it were that easy.
Monday, January 31, 2011
A personal insight from your girlfriend...
Lately you’ve been wondering why I’ve been so distant and pissy, so I thought I’d let you in on the past few weeks, in my perspective.
That night with Coop was atrocious for many reasons.
I hadn’t worked a double in over half a year since I’d moved from serverland to retaildom, so I was really, really tired.
I walk in and don’t receive one word of greeting, and no, you both yelling at some stupid movie about guns and war with german subtitles doesn’t count as a greeting because I’m not a guy. I don’t think Coop even acknowledged my existence at all, he didn’t look at me, make a comment that was towards me, nothing.
Then I realize that you both are drinking, and that just made me want to strangle something. That meant I was going to have to drive, I had had an offer that night to go have a much deserved drink and I turned it down because I had plans with you two, and of course because if I have one single drop of alcohol in my body, I can’t drive, I wasn’t offered any. Strike two at etiquette in 5 minutes. Out of the three of us, I was the one who needs 3 stiff ones, it had been that kind of day, so my mood went from bad to worse.
At this point I’m furiously texting and you start to notice that something’s wrong, and attempt to remedy it, but the situation was just too bad for your sentiment to matter much. I take a long as shower as possible, trying to calm myself down, but it doesn’t really help much. I get dressed and wait for you two to get your shit together so we can go, and a few minutes later Coop pipes up saying that we’re going to miss the previews, and man, does he love his previews. Fine. I get in your van and start hightailing it to the threatre, but I realize that I’ve probably brought the mood down substantially and that small part of me with feelings kind of feels badly about that. We arrive at the theatre with only a hitch or two, which is a miracle because I was pissed and driving a large, unfamiliar vehicle, in the dark.
Later I find out that Coop is texting you stuff like “Is this really necessary? If she didn’t want to go she shouldn’t have come, I don’t want to die…” or something like that, he was CRITICIZING my driving. If I would have known what was going on I probably would have pulled over and told him to shut his drinking ass up because if he didn’t like my driving he didn’t have to come, or try to intoxicate the only other person who could drive. I then would have added that if I was driving manically it was only because I didn’t want him to miss his precious previews, which he complained about upon leaving. Lucky for both of you, I didn’t find out about this conversation until days later. There are so many other ways he could have went about texting you, but that was not the correct way to do it. In your defense, you did defend me, just not the way I would have defended myself, which would be to call him a pompous asshole and tell him to shut the fuck up.
So we arrive at the theatre and at this point both my bad and good sides are telling me to leave you two in the parking lot, bad me saying that I would make a dramatic entrance, and good me saying that I was ruining both of your nights, so I would give you some alone time to complain. I stomp in to the theatre and buy my own ticket and popcorn. We sit down and watch the stupid previews, and it’s really bothering you that I’m pissed off so you start trying to hold my hand, which isn’t happening. You really expect me to just ignore the fact that you showed me close to no affection 20 minutes ago and then get all cuddly because we’re in a darkened theatre? Hell no. You tell me later that Coop is weirded out by PDA or something, which still doesn’t make sense, because darkened theatre or not, it’s still PDA.
The movie’s not really that great, but it manages to lighten my mood a little, so after it’s over I’m smiling and trying to joke around. You try to tell me that you’ll drive, and I immediately tell you that, no, I’m driving. (You probably did this because of Coop’s complaining, but I didn’t know that and I wanted to get back at you for all the times I would have barely anything to drink and you still wouldn’t let me drive.) I drive. We get back to the apartment and Coop hightails it. He says he’s leaving, gives you a big stupid hug and gets in his car. Strike out on the etiquette. I don’t think he said a total of 10 words to me the entire night. He didn’t say hello, he didn’t say goodbye, and he didn’t say fuck you in between.
The night comes to a close with us fighting (I really can’t call it fighting if all you do is apologize, though, can I?) and me leaving with a still pissy attitude.
I have a gut feeling you'll want to show this to Coop, but just know that it won't do any good, he's a lot like my mom, once he doesn't like someone, not much is going to change his mind.
While we’re at it, let’s skip back to New Years, shall we?
It’s New Years Eve, I’m in Terre Haute, and you’re in Indy at Coop’s, seemingly for no reason except to spend time with him, since you don’t’ work the next day. I wasn’t invited so I’m with Chelsie.
We go to Outback and then we ponder where to go afterwards, both Delta Sig and ATO enter our minds, and we decide on ATO because Schulten wasn’t at Delta and we didn’t want to feel weird. I don’t tell you where I’m going, but I have a feeling you can guess because I’m being so fencey about it. It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t try and bar me from ATO because I just would have pointed out the fact that you chose to go to a party where I wasn’t invited, and that wouldn’t have ended that wonderfully. I really didn’t want another safety lecture anyway, you’re not my dad, and I’ve been to plenty of parties without you and I’ve been just fine. (To be fair, though, both New Year’s something bad has happened, but that’s usually because I drink a lot more alcohol than I should, because hey, it’s New Year’s, but everything always turns out okay, and no, don’t ask me what happened because I won’t tell you, I don’t want to talk about it period.)
I remember you calling me and saying something, but I don’t remember what, at all, we could have been talking about politics for all I know, because that that point, I was textbook wasted. I do remember you asking me where I was and I lied and said I didn’t know because of the reasons listed above. So the night ends with you in a completely different town than me, on New Year’s. I mean, honestly? That’s not the best way to start off a new year when you’re in a budding relationship, but whatever, what’s done is done.
To tell the truth, if I had been invited to Coops, I probably wouldn’t have went, because I wouldn’t have felt welcome, and I wouldn’t know anyone, and I did have to work the next day at 11. So if you have any qualms about my New Year’s, you should have stayed home.
Oh hell, let’s just fast forward a couple of weeks to Pike night.
I get off work and go to your place because we planned to head to the party at Pike later, we chill with Abby for a while, watching some stand up comedy. Then we decide to leave and I decide I definitely need alcohol, so I start heading towards Logan’s. We get there and I can pretty much tell I’m not going to get any alcohol, but I decide that you two should bond a little anyway. Logan is one of my work friends, we share a lot of the same opinions on relationships and the opposite sex, and I really wanted him to meet you. When Logan finally gets upstairs, I can tell this isn’t going to go well. At first you don’t talk at all, but with prompting you start, only to basically insult my friends. Maybe you didn’t mean it, but you came off that way anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. I try to keep my jaw from hitting the ground on a few things, and I know exactly what Logan is thinking and it’s scaring the hell out of me. You really didn’t help his opinion with Rosies, as he calls them, and the fact that their full of themselves, talking less about Rose and more about something else would have helped, but whatever. I try to pull things around, but by this time I can tell his mind is set and I just decide to get you out of there. I don’t say anything about it because the night was already looking crappy and I honestly don’t think you did it on purpose.
We head to Pike and I try to psych myself up, but I learned something important that night: going to parties is a waste if you’re not under a drunken haze.
Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if you weren’t in a crappy mood, but you were, because you hadn’t wanted to go to Logan’s in the first place, and even though you swear you had a good time, you didn’t. So I’m trying to dance and have fun, but I just end up noticing things that I normally don’t, like how many people interrupt my good time when their trying to get through, how crowded it is, jealous bitches, and most importantly, the number of guys that were trying to get in my pants. All of which could have been avoided if I was slightly inebriated. The guys obviously didn’t do anything crazy, because it was pretty obvious I was dancing on my boyfriend, but that didn’t stop them from making eyes. So anyway, I’m trying to cheer you up and try to have a good time myself, and it’s just not working. You’re not dancing, not that you usually do, but I don’t notice that much because I’m usually drunk, it’s way too loud to talk, and the thing that gets me is, this is how you prefer it. You’ve made it pretty obvious that you don’t like drinking as much as I do, and that you’d prefer that I wouldn’t drink at parties; which really busts my balls because you’re getting your wish and I’m not having any fun, basically telling me that we’re not compatible in this way.
So we head home and talk a little bit about it, which just entails me telling you that you didn’t have fun, and you denying it.
The aftermath of pike night is this: Logan thinks you’re not the one for me, I realize that you’re not a big a party animal as I am, and that drinking at parties is a must, for me, sorry.
And then all the time in between these three events I’ve been wondering if I’m just being the bitchiest girlfriend on the planet, or if I actually have valid points. Talking to you doesn’t really help much because you don’t argue, you just agree, and I don’t’ do well with that. I like to argue. Arguing is healthy in small doses, and it’s what I’m used to. My last relationship was with Jeff and we’re both stubborn Italians, so we fought, but it always turned out with us getting a new perspective on things, which was good. So yea, I haven’t been around much, and you’re right, I’m avoiding our problems, but I also need time to think, too.
Any questions?
That night with Coop was atrocious for many reasons.
I hadn’t worked a double in over half a year since I’d moved from serverland to retaildom, so I was really, really tired.
I walk in and don’t receive one word of greeting, and no, you both yelling at some stupid movie about guns and war with german subtitles doesn’t count as a greeting because I’m not a guy. I don’t think Coop even acknowledged my existence at all, he didn’t look at me, make a comment that was towards me, nothing.
Then I realize that you both are drinking, and that just made me want to strangle something. That meant I was going to have to drive, I had had an offer that night to go have a much deserved drink and I turned it down because I had plans with you two, and of course because if I have one single drop of alcohol in my body, I can’t drive, I wasn’t offered any. Strike two at etiquette in 5 minutes. Out of the three of us, I was the one who needs 3 stiff ones, it had been that kind of day, so my mood went from bad to worse.
At this point I’m furiously texting and you start to notice that something’s wrong, and attempt to remedy it, but the situation was just too bad for your sentiment to matter much. I take a long as shower as possible, trying to calm myself down, but it doesn’t really help much. I get dressed and wait for you two to get your shit together so we can go, and a few minutes later Coop pipes up saying that we’re going to miss the previews, and man, does he love his previews. Fine. I get in your van and start hightailing it to the threatre, but I realize that I’ve probably brought the mood down substantially and that small part of me with feelings kind of feels badly about that. We arrive at the theatre with only a hitch or two, which is a miracle because I was pissed and driving a large, unfamiliar vehicle, in the dark.
Later I find out that Coop is texting you stuff like “Is this really necessary? If she didn’t want to go she shouldn’t have come, I don’t want to die…” or something like that, he was CRITICIZING my driving. If I would have known what was going on I probably would have pulled over and told him to shut his drinking ass up because if he didn’t like my driving he didn’t have to come, or try to intoxicate the only other person who could drive. I then would have added that if I was driving manically it was only because I didn’t want him to miss his precious previews, which he complained about upon leaving. Lucky for both of you, I didn’t find out about this conversation until days later. There are so many other ways he could have went about texting you, but that was not the correct way to do it. In your defense, you did defend me, just not the way I would have defended myself, which would be to call him a pompous asshole and tell him to shut the fuck up.
So we arrive at the theatre and at this point both my bad and good sides are telling me to leave you two in the parking lot, bad me saying that I would make a dramatic entrance, and good me saying that I was ruining both of your nights, so I would give you some alone time to complain. I stomp in to the theatre and buy my own ticket and popcorn. We sit down and watch the stupid previews, and it’s really bothering you that I’m pissed off so you start trying to hold my hand, which isn’t happening. You really expect me to just ignore the fact that you showed me close to no affection 20 minutes ago and then get all cuddly because we’re in a darkened theatre? Hell no. You tell me later that Coop is weirded out by PDA or something, which still doesn’t make sense, because darkened theatre or not, it’s still PDA.
The movie’s not really that great, but it manages to lighten my mood a little, so after it’s over I’m smiling and trying to joke around. You try to tell me that you’ll drive, and I immediately tell you that, no, I’m driving. (You probably did this because of Coop’s complaining, but I didn’t know that and I wanted to get back at you for all the times I would have barely anything to drink and you still wouldn’t let me drive.) I drive. We get back to the apartment and Coop hightails it. He says he’s leaving, gives you a big stupid hug and gets in his car. Strike out on the etiquette. I don’t think he said a total of 10 words to me the entire night. He didn’t say hello, he didn’t say goodbye, and he didn’t say fuck you in between.
The night comes to a close with us fighting (I really can’t call it fighting if all you do is apologize, though, can I?) and me leaving with a still pissy attitude.
I have a gut feeling you'll want to show this to Coop, but just know that it won't do any good, he's a lot like my mom, once he doesn't like someone, not much is going to change his mind.
While we’re at it, let’s skip back to New Years, shall we?
It’s New Years Eve, I’m in Terre Haute, and you’re in Indy at Coop’s, seemingly for no reason except to spend time with him, since you don’t’ work the next day. I wasn’t invited so I’m with Chelsie.
We go to Outback and then we ponder where to go afterwards, both Delta Sig and ATO enter our minds, and we decide on ATO because Schulten wasn’t at Delta and we didn’t want to feel weird. I don’t tell you where I’m going, but I have a feeling you can guess because I’m being so fencey about it. It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t try and bar me from ATO because I just would have pointed out the fact that you chose to go to a party where I wasn’t invited, and that wouldn’t have ended that wonderfully. I really didn’t want another safety lecture anyway, you’re not my dad, and I’ve been to plenty of parties without you and I’ve been just fine. (To be fair, though, both New Year’s something bad has happened, but that’s usually because I drink a lot more alcohol than I should, because hey, it’s New Year’s, but everything always turns out okay, and no, don’t ask me what happened because I won’t tell you, I don’t want to talk about it period.)
I remember you calling me and saying something, but I don’t remember what, at all, we could have been talking about politics for all I know, because that that point, I was textbook wasted. I do remember you asking me where I was and I lied and said I didn’t know because of the reasons listed above. So the night ends with you in a completely different town than me, on New Year’s. I mean, honestly? That’s not the best way to start off a new year when you’re in a budding relationship, but whatever, what’s done is done.
To tell the truth, if I had been invited to Coops, I probably wouldn’t have went, because I wouldn’t have felt welcome, and I wouldn’t know anyone, and I did have to work the next day at 11. So if you have any qualms about my New Year’s, you should have stayed home.
Oh hell, let’s just fast forward a couple of weeks to Pike night.
I get off work and go to your place because we planned to head to the party at Pike later, we chill with Abby for a while, watching some stand up comedy. Then we decide to leave and I decide I definitely need alcohol, so I start heading towards Logan’s. We get there and I can pretty much tell I’m not going to get any alcohol, but I decide that you two should bond a little anyway. Logan is one of my work friends, we share a lot of the same opinions on relationships and the opposite sex, and I really wanted him to meet you. When Logan finally gets upstairs, I can tell this isn’t going to go well. At first you don’t talk at all, but with prompting you start, only to basically insult my friends. Maybe you didn’t mean it, but you came off that way anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. I try to keep my jaw from hitting the ground on a few things, and I know exactly what Logan is thinking and it’s scaring the hell out of me. You really didn’t help his opinion with Rosies, as he calls them, and the fact that their full of themselves, talking less about Rose and more about something else would have helped, but whatever. I try to pull things around, but by this time I can tell his mind is set and I just decide to get you out of there. I don’t say anything about it because the night was already looking crappy and I honestly don’t think you did it on purpose.
We head to Pike and I try to psych myself up, but I learned something important that night: going to parties is a waste if you’re not under a drunken haze.
Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if you weren’t in a crappy mood, but you were, because you hadn’t wanted to go to Logan’s in the first place, and even though you swear you had a good time, you didn’t. So I’m trying to dance and have fun, but I just end up noticing things that I normally don’t, like how many people interrupt my good time when their trying to get through, how crowded it is, jealous bitches, and most importantly, the number of guys that were trying to get in my pants. All of which could have been avoided if I was slightly inebriated. The guys obviously didn’t do anything crazy, because it was pretty obvious I was dancing on my boyfriend, but that didn’t stop them from making eyes. So anyway, I’m trying to cheer you up and try to have a good time myself, and it’s just not working. You’re not dancing, not that you usually do, but I don’t notice that much because I’m usually drunk, it’s way too loud to talk, and the thing that gets me is, this is how you prefer it. You’ve made it pretty obvious that you don’t like drinking as much as I do, and that you’d prefer that I wouldn’t drink at parties; which really busts my balls because you’re getting your wish and I’m not having any fun, basically telling me that we’re not compatible in this way.
So we head home and talk a little bit about it, which just entails me telling you that you didn’t have fun, and you denying it.
The aftermath of pike night is this: Logan thinks you’re not the one for me, I realize that you’re not a big a party animal as I am, and that drinking at parties is a must, for me, sorry.
And then all the time in between these three events I’ve been wondering if I’m just being the bitchiest girlfriend on the planet, or if I actually have valid points. Talking to you doesn’t really help much because you don’t argue, you just agree, and I don’t’ do well with that. I like to argue. Arguing is healthy in small doses, and it’s what I’m used to. My last relationship was with Jeff and we’re both stubborn Italians, so we fought, but it always turned out with us getting a new perspective on things, which was good. So yea, I haven’t been around much, and you’re right, I’m avoiding our problems, but I also need time to think, too.
Any questions?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
You know what pisses me off?
The fact that I have to grow up.
I don't want to grow up,
and no, not just because being a teenager is fun, and it's a big party and all those common misconceptions.
I don't want to lose the way I think about things.
Let me put it this way, think back, way back, to when you were a kid.
How did you view the world? You thought it was a pretty great place, right?
You had the coolest parents, even if you couldn't stay up past 9, you were outside as often as you could be, riding your bike, or going on adventures.
Hell, just walking for me was fun as a kid.
Now? Nothing is as fun as it used to be.
I can't imagine entertaining myself for hours just playing with some dolls, or a cardboard box, like I used to.
I had this fucking amazing tree as a kid, I would go up there and sit in that tree, usually with a good friend of mine, and we would just chill, talk about TV shows, act them out, and shit, we had so much fun.
Now if you told me to sit in a tree with you I'd think you were fucking psycho.
It already pisses me off that I've lost that. I mean, maybe I can get some of it back, but I sure as hell won't get all of it, and besides, you see a teenager sitting in a tree talking to herself, you're going to think she's high on something.
Okay, so that's gone, now look at the present.
We're young, we do stupid shit, a lot, and what do our hypocritical parents say? They scoff at us, like we should know better, like we're immature for having some fun. Cops and adults hate it that teenagers park at random places, like North Kroger, or Hoosier Suds. They don't remember what it was like, to just hang out with your friends and trade stories about that one weekend where everyone got wasted. They're too grown up.
It's all over for them, and I don't want that to happen to me. I want to stay this young, or younger, forever.
Damn, I remember as a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up, I couldn't wait to drive and go to prom, and do all the fun things teenagers do, and yea, it's fun stuff, but now I just wish I could go sit in my tree again, or pick dandelions.
Oh, and you know what happened to my tree? MY fucking tree? Or hell, MINE and MATT R'S tree? They chopped all the branches off. They fucking sliced it to bits, I guess we never really can go back.
But I wish I could.
I don't want to grow up,
and no, not just because being a teenager is fun, and it's a big party and all those common misconceptions.
I don't want to lose the way I think about things.
Let me put it this way, think back, way back, to when you were a kid.
How did you view the world? You thought it was a pretty great place, right?
You had the coolest parents, even if you couldn't stay up past 9, you were outside as often as you could be, riding your bike, or going on adventures.
Hell, just walking for me was fun as a kid.
Now? Nothing is as fun as it used to be.
I can't imagine entertaining myself for hours just playing with some dolls, or a cardboard box, like I used to.
I had this fucking amazing tree as a kid, I would go up there and sit in that tree, usually with a good friend of mine, and we would just chill, talk about TV shows, act them out, and shit, we had so much fun.
Now if you told me to sit in a tree with you I'd think you were fucking psycho.
It already pisses me off that I've lost that. I mean, maybe I can get some of it back, but I sure as hell won't get all of it, and besides, you see a teenager sitting in a tree talking to herself, you're going to think she's high on something.
Okay, so that's gone, now look at the present.
We're young, we do stupid shit, a lot, and what do our hypocritical parents say? They scoff at us, like we should know better, like we're immature for having some fun. Cops and adults hate it that teenagers park at random places, like North Kroger, or Hoosier Suds. They don't remember what it was like, to just hang out with your friends and trade stories about that one weekend where everyone got wasted. They're too grown up.
It's all over for them, and I don't want that to happen to me. I want to stay this young, or younger, forever.
Damn, I remember as a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up, I couldn't wait to drive and go to prom, and do all the fun things teenagers do, and yea, it's fun stuff, but now I just wish I could go sit in my tree again, or pick dandelions.
Oh, and you know what happened to my tree? MY fucking tree? Or hell, MINE and MATT R'S tree? They chopped all the branches off. They fucking sliced it to bits, I guess we never really can go back.
But I wish I could.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
What the hell happened to me last night?
It might be because I'm menstruating, or it could be because I'm just a woman, and therefore completely confused on my emotions at all times, or not one of these and a completely different reason entirely, but what does it matter really?
I'm menstruating, I'm a woman, and I'm confused.
I suppose I'll come to a conclusion soon, after evaluating everything without bleeding from my uterus, and see how that goes.
"Adieu."
I'm menstruating, I'm a woman, and I'm confused.
I suppose I'll come to a conclusion soon, after evaluating everything without bleeding from my uterus, and see how that goes.
"Adieu."
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Yay :)
For the first time, in a long time, things are looking up.
Only 3 finals separate me from graduating,
I have a second job,
I have a wonderful boyfriend,
and I feel normal again.
Now that school's out of the equation I feel like I'm kissing my depression goodbye, and trust me, I ain't gonna miss it.
I'm trying to find old friends and reconnect and balance everything out, but other than that, everything is going smoothly.
ISU in the fall, and I should have a pocketful of cash thanks to los trabajedores uno y dos.
:)
Yay.
I'm gonna take advantage of my good mood and turn on some good music, and clean, this room definitely needs it.
So much wuvs <3
Only 3 finals separate me from graduating,
I have a second job,
I have a wonderful boyfriend,
and I feel normal again.
Now that school's out of the equation I feel like I'm kissing my depression goodbye, and trust me, I ain't gonna miss it.
I'm trying to find old friends and reconnect and balance everything out, but other than that, everything is going smoothly.
ISU in the fall, and I should have a pocketful of cash thanks to los trabajedores uno y dos.
:)
Yay.
I'm gonna take advantage of my good mood and turn on some good music, and clean, this room definitely needs it.
So much wuvs <3
Thursday, January 6, 2011
M3h.
Nothing new to update really.
Just work.
I'm ready to take my Comp final, seriously? I'm supposed to be LEARNING?
Sorry, actually learned this like 5 years ago.
Me and the bf are good...
Almost a month already!
Time flies. Fo Real.
Situation at home as lightened up, thank God.
Blah.
I'm becoming a night owl.
Wondaful.
Just work.
I'm ready to take my Comp final, seriously? I'm supposed to be LEARNING?
Sorry, actually learned this like 5 years ago.
Me and the bf are good...
Almost a month already!
Time flies. Fo Real.
Situation at home as lightened up, thank God.
Blah.
I'm becoming a night owl.
Wondaful.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Decisions...
So.... How should I say this?
Well first off, to Chris, who I know reads this, this isn't about you. So myea.
Back to my thoughts: how do you break it off with someone when you've been with them a super long time? When they've given you everything and asked for very little in return? How do you give up on someone who hasn't done too terribly much to you that would be considered bad? In other words, how do you break up with your mom?
Although all the above are true, you've also done many things I don't agree with, and a good many people would frown upon. Our relationship is good in the mother daughter aspect, but it's completely inappropriate in other areas.
Not so much now, that I'm grown, but let me quote kelly clarkson to help you understand the unhealthy side effects:
"I was so young you should have known better than to lean on me, you never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain; and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing."
Meet my mom.
On the outside, you'll find her boisterous, full of life. Talk to her for an hour.
You'll find her pessimistic. Two hours. You'll find her a cynic. Any more than that and you won't like her much. And if you still like her, she will definitely not like you.
To be completely honest, if she wasn't my mom, I wouldn't like her.
To be completely honest, I'm the only person she's relatively nice to.
To be completely honest, she's turned out surprisingly well.
I feel like I have too many variables to even begin to make an equation for a problem I'm ultimately going to have to solve, and I've never been good at math.
Let's go back, way back, back to when she was a kid. If you want to call it that, she never got to be a kid. She had to be a mother, because hers was a piece of shit. So it makes perfect sense that she wouldn't deem it necessary to let me be a kid for long either.
I will give her this: she's never lived up to her mother's abusiveness. Thank God for that.
So now do you see my dilemma?
There are lots of things telling me I should just break it off and be done.
But then I think of all she's done for me, and even more importantly, not done to me, and I want to give her another chance.
I guess I have some thinking to do.
Who knows, maybe it'll get better.
Well first off, to Chris, who I know reads this, this isn't about you. So myea.
Back to my thoughts: how do you break it off with someone when you've been with them a super long time? When they've given you everything and asked for very little in return? How do you give up on someone who hasn't done too terribly much to you that would be considered bad? In other words, how do you break up with your mom?
Although all the above are true, you've also done many things I don't agree with, and a good many people would frown upon. Our relationship is good in the mother daughter aspect, but it's completely inappropriate in other areas.
Not so much now, that I'm grown, but let me quote kelly clarkson to help you understand the unhealthy side effects:
"I was so young you should have known better than to lean on me, you never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain; and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing."
Meet my mom.
On the outside, you'll find her boisterous, full of life. Talk to her for an hour.
You'll find her pessimistic. Two hours. You'll find her a cynic. Any more than that and you won't like her much. And if you still like her, she will definitely not like you.
To be completely honest, if she wasn't my mom, I wouldn't like her.
To be completely honest, I'm the only person she's relatively nice to.
To be completely honest, she's turned out surprisingly well.
I feel like I have too many variables to even begin to make an equation for a problem I'm ultimately going to have to solve, and I've never been good at math.
Let's go back, way back, back to when she was a kid. If you want to call it that, she never got to be a kid. She had to be a mother, because hers was a piece of shit. So it makes perfect sense that she wouldn't deem it necessary to let me be a kid for long either.
I will give her this: she's never lived up to her mother's abusiveness. Thank God for that.
So now do you see my dilemma?
There are lots of things telling me I should just break it off and be done.
But then I think of all she's done for me, and even more importantly, not done to me, and I want to give her another chance.
I guess I have some thinking to do.
Who knows, maybe it'll get better.
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