Decisions...

So.... How should I say this?

Well first off, to Chris, who I know reads this, this isn't about you. So myea.

Back to my thoughts: how do you break it off with someone when you've been with them a super long time? When they've given you everything and asked for very little in return? How do you give up on someone who hasn't done too terribly much to you that would be considered bad? In other words, how do you break up with your mom?

Although all the above are true, you've also done many things I don't agree with, and a good many people would frown upon. Our relationship is good in the mother daughter aspect, but it's completely inappropriate in other areas.
Not so much now, that I'm grown, but let me quote kelly clarkson to help you understand the unhealthy side effects:

"I was so young you should have known better than to lean on me, you never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain; and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing."

Meet my mom.

On the outside, you'll find her boisterous, full of life. Talk to her for an hour.
You'll find her pessimistic. Two hours. You'll find her a cynic. Any more than that and you won't like her much. And if you still like her, she will definitely not like you.
To be completely honest, if she wasn't my mom, I wouldn't like her.
To be completely honest, I'm the only person she's relatively nice to.
To be completely honest, she's turned out surprisingly well.

I feel like I have too many variables to even begin to make an equation for a problem I'm ultimately going to have to solve, and I've never been good at math.

Let's go back, way back, back to when she was a kid. If you want to call it that, she never got to be a kid. She had to be a mother, because hers was a piece of shit. So it makes perfect sense that she wouldn't deem it necessary to let me be a kid for long either.

I will give her this: she's never lived up to her mother's abusiveness. Thank God for that.

So now do you see my dilemma?
There are lots of things telling me I should just break it off and be done.
But then I think of all she's done for me, and even more importantly, not done to me, and I want to give her another chance.

I guess I have some thinking to do.

Who knows, maybe it'll get better.