Let's see,
A nice old lady told me I was clever. :)
Learned that the rumor mill really is hilarious.
Danced. :)
Gotz new shoes from Chris. (Pumas!!)
Got to see my best gay friend.
Gave my sick coworker a hug because she was crying :(
Saw my Alla :)
Met Alla's boyfriend.
I approve of said boyfriend... So far...
And saw my mom in a way too tight halloween costume (which is actually mine) and those babies were out to here...
I'm soo excited for Halloween!!
Guess that's all.
-b
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Ummm
Birthday in like an hour! The big 18. :)
It's all going by so fast! Pretty soon I'll be taking shots on my 21st. :)
Crab legs tomorrow. Wish my birthday was everyday.
But for now I'm relishing my last minutes of "childhood".
Although, age doesn't mean much. I said goodbye to childhood a long time ago.
Funny how some people can't let go of it...
Oh the well.
This almost adult is gonna celebrate!
<3
-b
It's all going by so fast! Pretty soon I'll be taking shots on my 21st. :)
Crab legs tomorrow. Wish my birthday was everyday.
But for now I'm relishing my last minutes of "childhood".
Although, age doesn't mean much. I said goodbye to childhood a long time ago.
Funny how some people can't let go of it...
Oh the well.
This almost adult is gonna celebrate!
<3
-b
Thursday, October 7, 2010
All right.
Brace yourselves children, the gloves are off, and I'm fucking pissed.
First of all: Whoever the fuck is stalking my formspring and saying stupid shit about me needs to stop. I'm sick of it. It's a website for QUESTIONS, not insults. Insult me all you want. To my face. That's fine, but don't spam my question site with shit you're too much of a coward to say to my face. Or better yet, mind your own fucking business, how about that? Get your own life, and stay out of mine.
Second of all: And this goes to anyone, my business, is my business. Period end. For those of you who know what's going on with me, that's fine. Good. But all the people who are shit talking about me are immature idiots who have nothing better to do with their lives. I seriously cannot wait to get the fuck out of high school because I'm sick of you tasteless bitches.
Third of all: South Vermillion High school is the most fucked up place on this earth. I've got a nosey ass bitch all over my ass which once again, isn't anyone's god damn business. And then I've got another bitch in cahoots with the first one trying to fail me in her class. I do my work. I get to school when I can, get over yourself. Threatening me or my family won't work. Try to bring me down. Go ahead, it won't work. I have more shit on you two than you even know.
Somebody give me the fucking strength to get through the next 8 months and get the hell out of this place. Hello college, goodbye fucking Clinton.
Case in point: Stay out of my business. Mind your own, I don't get in yours, don't get in mine.
And for those of you who have helped me with any of this shit, I thank you. I know who my true friends are.
The rest of you can go to hell.
First of all: Whoever the fuck is stalking my formspring and saying stupid shit about me needs to stop. I'm sick of it. It's a website for QUESTIONS, not insults. Insult me all you want. To my face. That's fine, but don't spam my question site with shit you're too much of a coward to say to my face. Or better yet, mind your own fucking business, how about that? Get your own life, and stay out of mine.
Second of all: And this goes to anyone, my business, is my business. Period end. For those of you who know what's going on with me, that's fine. Good. But all the people who are shit talking about me are immature idiots who have nothing better to do with their lives. I seriously cannot wait to get the fuck out of high school because I'm sick of you tasteless bitches.
Third of all: South Vermillion High school is the most fucked up place on this earth. I've got a nosey ass bitch all over my ass which once again, isn't anyone's god damn business. And then I've got another bitch in cahoots with the first one trying to fail me in her class. I do my work. I get to school when I can, get over yourself. Threatening me or my family won't work. Try to bring me down. Go ahead, it won't work. I have more shit on you two than you even know.
Somebody give me the fucking strength to get through the next 8 months and get the hell out of this place. Hello college, goodbye fucking Clinton.
Case in point: Stay out of my business. Mind your own, I don't get in yours, don't get in mine.
And for those of you who have helped me with any of this shit, I thank you. I know who my true friends are.
The rest of you can go to hell.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
To you,
I don't know when you'll see this, or if you ever will, but it's for you.
Some days, I think I'll be in love with you until the day I die. Sometimes I think you'll be with me when I die. Some days I wish you weren't, and some I think it's absurd to think that you were ever in my life in the first place.
The reason I wish you weren't with me till the end is because I feel like you deserve better than me. Yea, I know you're going to roll your eyes and say I'm being ridiculous, but think about it: I ruined your life in a lot of respects. I took your trust and stomped on it, multiple times. I lied to you. I still lie to you in fact, just to spare hurting you more, which is a paradox in itself.
But lying underneath all the lies, the broken trust, and the guilt I deal with daily over the things I did to you, I still can't get your face out of my mind. I can't fathom life without you, because for the past two years, you've been there. Maybe in the background, or maybe covered up by other noise in my life, but you were there. Maybe we weren't speaking, but I still know your number, and I still have daily reminders of you that I can't get myself to rid of.
The problem is, I don't know which parts of my brain are in love with you and which parts are just trying to make it up to you.
One day, I want to start again, and another, I think of how hard it would be, and man do I enjoy being single.
But how long can we stay suspended in the lurch that we've called our own since this all began two Septembers ago?
How long can we stay more than friends, less than lovers?
How long will I go saying your name every night, or doing a double take when I see a blue explorer?
And just how long, are you planning to stay around? Because I don't know how my life will survive without you just outside my door.
How long until another girl finds you, and treats you the way you should have been treated by me, and doesn't have a problem with commitment, and is ready for forever?
Right now, I want you to read what I wrote in your journal, but tomorrow, who knows how I'll feel? So it really doesn't matter if you read it or not, because it's nothing that hasn't been said. It's not anything that you don't already know.
One day, I'll make up my mind, but why do I get the feeling it'll be too late?
Some days, I think I'll be in love with you until the day I die. Sometimes I think you'll be with me when I die. Some days I wish you weren't, and some I think it's absurd to think that you were ever in my life in the first place.
The reason I wish you weren't with me till the end is because I feel like you deserve better than me. Yea, I know you're going to roll your eyes and say I'm being ridiculous, but think about it: I ruined your life in a lot of respects. I took your trust and stomped on it, multiple times. I lied to you. I still lie to you in fact, just to spare hurting you more, which is a paradox in itself.
But lying underneath all the lies, the broken trust, and the guilt I deal with daily over the things I did to you, I still can't get your face out of my mind. I can't fathom life without you, because for the past two years, you've been there. Maybe in the background, or maybe covered up by other noise in my life, but you were there. Maybe we weren't speaking, but I still know your number, and I still have daily reminders of you that I can't get myself to rid of.
The problem is, I don't know which parts of my brain are in love with you and which parts are just trying to make it up to you.
One day, I want to start again, and another, I think of how hard it would be, and man do I enjoy being single.
But how long can we stay suspended in the lurch that we've called our own since this all began two Septembers ago?
How long can we stay more than friends, less than lovers?
How long will I go saying your name every night, or doing a double take when I see a blue explorer?
And just how long, are you planning to stay around? Because I don't know how my life will survive without you just outside my door.
How long until another girl finds you, and treats you the way you should have been treated by me, and doesn't have a problem with commitment, and is ready for forever?
Right now, I want you to read what I wrote in your journal, but tomorrow, who knows how I'll feel? So it really doesn't matter if you read it or not, because it's nothing that hasn't been said. It's not anything that you don't already know.
One day, I'll make up my mind, but why do I get the feeling it'll be too late?
Weird.
Today, I watched my mom write a message to my ex, basically telling him that I am hers, and she will protect me until she dies, and it made me realize how far we've drifted apart.
I never thought it would happen, but in that moment, all I wanted to do was crawl into her lap and hug her and tell her I'm sorry for ruining her life all the time. I stress her out by not going to school and sleeping for days at a time, and I don't know how to fix it... I wish things were as easy as they were when I was little, when everything made sense. All I ever wanted to do was grow up, and now that I am, it seems like the world is a much scarier place than I realized.
I didn't crawl into her lap, or hug her, or say I'm sorry. It was too hard to breach the distance we've covered in the past year.
I just wish someone would have told me all this crap was going to happen, so I would have been prepared, maybe it wouldn't have mattered, but maybe it would've. Now I'm just stuck trying to get my life back in order when I'm still in the throes of chaos.
I never thought it would happen, but in that moment, all I wanted to do was crawl into her lap and hug her and tell her I'm sorry for ruining her life all the time. I stress her out by not going to school and sleeping for days at a time, and I don't know how to fix it... I wish things were as easy as they were when I was little, when everything made sense. All I ever wanted to do was grow up, and now that I am, it seems like the world is a much scarier place than I realized.
I didn't crawl into her lap, or hug her, or say I'm sorry. It was too hard to breach the distance we've covered in the past year.
I just wish someone would have told me all this crap was going to happen, so I would have been prepared, maybe it wouldn't have mattered, but maybe it would've. Now I'm just stuck trying to get my life back in order when I'm still in the throes of chaos.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Blah Squared.
Skyping with Goodz every night is a pleasure.
He's the bestest.
In other news,
play is going well... Just have to memorize a bajillion lines and not get to practice for 3 days in a row on account of working... *sigh*.
Gah, what else?
Oh yes, my 18th birthday is in 12 days. :D
W00t.
Erm. Guess that's it for now...
Better get to bed.
Night biotches.
He's the bestest.
In other news,
play is going well... Just have to memorize a bajillion lines and not get to practice for 3 days in a row on account of working... *sigh*.
Gah, what else?
Oh yes, my 18th birthday is in 12 days. :D
W00t.
Erm. Guess that's it for now...
Better get to bed.
Night biotches.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Life is
blah lately...
Started my meds again, and slept for 3 days.
People are so cruel, it makes me sick.
Apparently I've done shit to a lot of people to be treated this way.
I'd love to have them confront me face to face.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.
Started my meds again, and slept for 3 days.
People are so cruel, it makes me sick.
Apparently I've done shit to a lot of people to be treated this way.
I'd love to have them confront me face to face.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.
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