Weird.

Today, I watched my mom write a message to my ex, basically telling him that I am hers, and she will protect me until she dies, and it made me realize how far we've drifted apart.
I never thought it would happen, but in that moment, all I wanted to do was crawl into her lap and hug her and tell her I'm sorry for ruining her life all the time. I stress her out by not going to school and sleeping for days at a time, and I don't know how to fix it... I wish things were as easy as they were when I was little, when everything made sense. All I ever wanted to do was grow up, and now that I am, it seems like the world is a much scarier place than I realized.
I didn't crawl into her lap, or hug her, or say I'm sorry. It was too hard to breach the distance we've covered in the past year.
I just wish someone would have told me all this crap was going to happen, so I would have been prepared, maybe it wouldn't have mattered, but maybe it would've. Now I'm just stuck trying to get my life back in order when I'm still in the throes of chaos.